


Mercedes' Weekend Off

by HoneyNutFemios93



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Almost Everyone is A War Cleric, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dancer Lorenz, Evil Rhea (Fire Emblem), Fluff and Crack, Gen, Implied Lorenz Hellman Gloucester/Mercedes von Martritz, Implied Relationships, McDonald's, Mercedes is a Pegasister, My Little Pony References, Nightmares, evil edelgard, plot what plot?, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:14:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23249797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoneyNutFemios93/pseuds/HoneyNutFemios93
Summary: A shitpost I dreamt about recently.
Relationships: Jeritza von Hrym & Mercedes von Martritz, Lorenz Hellman Gloucester & Mercedes von Martritz
Kudos: 1





	Mercedes' Weekend Off

Mercedes' Weekend Off

_-_-_-_

Mercedes had the weekend off. She was excited. She got to hang out with her one and only brother, the person she wanted to be the closest with in the whole wide world. Unfortunately, he was sick with a flu. Mercedes didn't like going out anyway. She may as well come to baby him when he was in most need. 

She opened the freezer, and saw what was left inside were frozen vegetables for their soups and frozen fried cod. She knew soup was important, but she searched for another item in there until she turned to her brother.

"Emile! Did you eat all the ice cream by yourself?" Mercedes asked Emile half in a cheeky older sister way and the other half scolding him for overeating again. 

"Mercedes…" Emile was about to make a comment. It was either to stop her with murder or an explanation. Mercedes interrupted him to stop him from doing either. 

"Don't worry. I'll buy some more. I'll also pick up some McDonald's. Do you want me to buy you an Apple Pie or a Cookie?" 

"...I feel conflict, as both are good options."

"I'll see what they have left at the one at walking distance." Mercedes chimed happily. 

"Let me go with you, Mercedes…" Emile said cautiously. 

"Are you sure? You haven't been feeling well lately."

"I'll manage. I'll put on my mask…"

Jeritza then put on a black mask that covered his mouth. It had white teeth as sharp as blades over it. 

"Remember, if you ever get dizzy again, I'll carry you home!" Mercedes chuckled as she held her brother's hand as she opened the door, holding the house keys in her purse. 

As they opened the door, they fell down a hole that Mercedes didn't expect to find by her doorstep. 

When she woke up, she saw she wasn't holding Jeritza's hand. She looked around. It was a dungeon where everyone was a War Cleric of some kind and nothing was okay. She shuddered. She found one exception sitting at her dark bronze throne, rusted and reeking of the iron from bloodied heads. 

"Welcome to the infamous conga line!" She said, her ice cold blue eyes looked down at her. She was untouchable. 

"I-It's her! Look at the crazy bitch! I'll scratch your frickin' eyes out, bitch!" Mercedes rose up. How vulgar her mouth became. She covered her mouth. How did she learn such foul language? And why would she call someone something this awful. 

"Join in the conga line, Mercedes. We are about to face against the Church of Seiros!" Edelgard commanded her. And like that Mercedes felt her body join in the line. 

Mercedes then looked over. There was another exception, scared and confused much like her, at the front of the line. Was it Lorenz? Oh no… He's wore those robes sweating up a storm for so long, Mercedes can see the pit stains. He's so flustered he's unable to say a word. He didn't smell like sweat, more like the roses he admired so much. Still, his appearance in the bedlah was sure embarrassing for him. Everyone followed him dancing similar moves into a room with a white dragon, spewing flames as if they were to accept a sacrifice. 

"Edelgard! Why are we doing this?" Mercedes asked with her voice straining from screaming, but all that effort to get her to hear her was all for naught; The Dragon opened her mouth as she hissed. 

"You all have disappointed me… Yet you still pray for the Goddess. I promise to make your death quick and painless…" the Dragon snarled. 

Mercedes' eyes widened. That was Lady Rhea's voice, wasn't it? 

"Lady Rhea…" Mercedes said with a worried look. 

"Do not ask for forgiveness. You went on this path by your own choice!" The Dragon, who was definitely Rhea, roared in anguish. Mercedes knew Rhea was sad to do this to everyone as well, but had to play her part. 

"Everyone! Look out!" Edelgard shrieked. 

Mercedes screamed as she felt the hot fire of the dragon hit her body. She screamed, her body engulfed in flame, but all of it was fruitless. 

"Mercedes!" Mercedes can hear her younger brother who she promised a trip to McDonald's scream. 

"Mercedes!" Mercedes can also hear Lorenz scream. 

"MERCEDES!" They both called out to her. 

"Emile! Lorenz! Help me! Help me, please!" 

And like that Mercedes rose up from her nightmare in a cold sweat. She looked down. She was in her pajamas, which had pictures of Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony dancing all over it with yellow and blue balloons, the same ones that were on her cutie mark. 

She looked around. Lorenz and Emile were there crying tears of joy and relief to see her. 

"Oh, what's the matter? I didn't scare you, didn't I?" Mercedes knew if she told them about her horrible nightmare, they wouldn't forgive themselves. 

She understood Emile hugging her, but Lorenz was another level. 

"O-Oh my! You two are getting awfully close! You don't want to get sick, right?" Mercedes gasped. 

"Mercedes… Thank heavens it was only a dream!" Emile wept.

"We thought we'd lost you, Mercedes," Lorenz said, then returned to scold her in such a stern, brotherly way, "Next time, no more chocolates before bed! We almost thought you were having a seizure!" 

"You did? Oh how unfortunate! Don't worry. I'll be good and settle on soup before bed. I promise," Mercedes bowed. 

"Emile. You heard me too, right?" Lorenz turned to him, with the same stern talking voice. 

"You are not my Mother, Lorenz," Emile snarled, "but if that is what you wish. I will have to settle on sea salt caramel for the time being."

Mercedes watched the two bicker as she looked up to the cloudy morning. She sighed to herself, closing her eyes as she laid back on her My Little Pony themed bed, with pictures of Rainbow Dash zooming about, Twilight Sparkle reading a book, Rarity stitching up a dress, Applejack bucking up her legs in the air, Fluttershy cuddling by the white rabbit named Angel, and last but not least, Pinkie Pie throwing colorful confetti about. She knew someone was missing in the picture.

_ I hope we can get well soon so we can visit you, Mother… _


End file.
